CRIME "O" THE TIMES: Taste, Tweens & My Journey from Journey

“If you want to know where music is going, ask an 11-year-old.” The above sentence, the closing line in the introductory essay of the NY Times Magazine’s recent music issue, is one of the more over-blown claims in music criticism — a genre with a long history of hype and hysteria — I've read in a while. But hey, give it points: It got my attention. The author, Times Magazine story editor Nitsuh Abebe, seems to suggest that because 2007 had “the highest number of births in American history,” 11-year-olds have some kind of vision into the future of sound. In the age of the internet, Tweens may have more consumer power than ever when it comes to music. They can click, like, retweet, Instagram

SCANDAL! Greatest "Greatest Hits" Albums List Hacked by Cars Fanatic!

The 10 Greatest "Greatest Hits" list compiled and released by The Blog of Rock last week was the victim of a heinous data hack. In a diabolical data corruption plot worthy of Cambridge Analytica or Facebook, a programmer who helped develop the A.I. program used to determine the greatest "Greatest Hits" albums of all time, doctored the data to force The Cars Greatest Hits into the number 9 spot. The hacker, Tomas Pilsner of Prague, hatched his sick plot in an effort to impress Paulina Portzigova, the model and wife of Cars mastermind Ric Ocasek. By tinkering with the logic and valuation parameters of the open-source-based A,I. program Genus Poppist Kickassiss (aka, HAL Jr.), Pilsner forced t

Jared Kushner: HBO Perp Walk Pay Per View Special Proposal

From: To: Jared Subject: HBO Pay Per View Special Proposal Jared, I have reviewed the attached proposal. If you were just another well-heeled client — and that is NOT an allusion to those rumors you wear lifts in your shoes to appear taller than Ivanka — I wouldn’t even bother you with this proposal. It is, at first blush, beneath you. But at second blush, since you and your family may still need $1 billion to make a balloon payment on your 666 Fifth Avenue deal and since we charge $3000 an hour, I think this may be worth your time. After all, the clock is ticking. I realize that you may have some issues with the title of the project. I did too. So I played hard


EVERYONE who’s anyone in New York or D.C. is hiring a personal lawyer — it's all the rage, like a really, really expensive fidget spinner for people with questionable judgment. Donald Trump’s lawyer Michael Cohen currently has at least two legal eagles trying to keep him out of prison stripes. And Paul Manafort’s indicted pal Rick Gates had tag teams of lawyers shifting on and off his bench, before he finally copped a plea. If you are wondering whether you might have litigators lurking in your future, take our quiz, add up your score and see if you need to lawyer up! 1. When someone mentions “laundering,” do you think about a. Having enough clean underwear to make it to Saturday? (0 pts) b.

Louis Armstrong Museum vs. the David Bowie Exhibit vs. Me

Over the last month I’ve visited two music-related museum exhibitions, the mega-hyped David Bowie“show” at the Brooklyn Museum, and the Louis Armstrong Museum in Corona, Queens, which has been open for decades and has been criminally ignored, at least by me. I really enjoyed the Bowie exhibit, which was a slick, flashy, multimedia affair. But the visit to Satchmo’s space, which is much smaller, quieter, and low-tech, made me happier. Much happier, which was sort of a surprise, even though it really shouldn’t have been. Both artists have made steady appearances in the soundtrack of my life. I can’t say I ever strongly identified with either artist. But I can say that I liked Bowie’s music up

What Kind of Air Guitar Do You Play

The new Air Guitar Center at the mall has a fifty-foot wall lined with 200 air guitars, with a placard identifying the name, model and year of each riff machine. There are two air guitar techs—one named Buzz and the other named Wire—who are on hand to discuss anything and everything related to the ersatz axes. The Air Guitar Center has a stage surrounded by mirrors. At the back is just a normal reflection. But on the sides the “rocking glasses,” as Buzz calls them, are funhouse mirrors. It costs $8 to play a song on the stage, with the air guitar of your choice. A kid comes into the Center and asks to try the 1967 Flying V air guitar with the cherry red finish. Buzz slides a ladder o


“Acting like he was bending over and picking up a handkerchief off the ground was his signature dance move.” — Retired federal prosecutor Lillian McEwen discussing former beau and Supreme Court Justice Clarence Thomas. NY Post, April 17, 2016 “Signature dance move? Clarence Thomas? You know it was an all-boys Catholic high school, right? Maybe leaning back in his chair? — Dennis McFarland, classmate, St. John Vianney Minor Seminary, Savannah “I remember Clarence in 1970. That was the year the Jackson Five were rockin’ the charts with “ABC” and “The Love You Save,” and Freda Payne had “Band of Gold.” We’d be taking turns spinning records, which is what people used to do before YouTube, and C

OFF THE WALL - The Real Story of Freddy Mercury and Michael Jackson

“They got on well except for the fact that I suddenly got a call from Freddie, saying, ‘Miami, dear… You’ve got to get me out of here. I’m recording with a llama… I’ve had enough and I want to get out.” —Rock band manager Jim ‘Miami’ Beach on the collaboration between Freddie Mercury and Michael Jackson in The Times of London. It wasn’t just the llama, if you know what I mean. I was there at the studio. Me: the serf of sonics, the domestique of decibels, the peon of pop. Mr. Assistant Engineer. You know—or maybe you don’t, since almost nobody records in studios anymore—I was the underpaid, under-washed, under-everything guy who always has a roll of duct tape and walks around connecting wires

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