Dear Ask a Deadhead #7

SINISTER PATCHOULI PLOT EXPOSED!

 

Dear Ask a Deadhead,

My late cousin Derek left me his collection of 15 Masters of the Universe supervillain toys called Stinkor. Fourteen of these humanoid skunks are sealed in their packages. But one is opened and guess what? It smells horrible! Mattel used patchouli oil to create the stench. As a Deadhead, I am totally offended by this toy. Pachouli is a sacred scent to me. A perfume that detonates so many memories of girlfriends, road trips and shows. How could Mattel twist something so magical into something so vile?  Anyway, I have zero interest in keeping my inheritance. But Derek’s sister thinks I should keep at least one of them to honor his passion. What do you think?

Jon “Rollo” Medcalf, Tucson, Arizona


 

Rollo! I totally feel like I know you, but I just can’t place it. Maybe Winterland? Anyway, I also know exactly what you are saying here. Pachouli is the intense incense of our lives, right? The scent of a legion of dancing goddesses. The aroma of amorousness! Listen, dude, the toy industry is mega-fun and mega-fucked up. And when they are called to account for themselves, for making mindless shit designed to haul in cash and fill landfills, well, the true Masters of the Universe will not be kind. As for this specific toy? See if you can recycle every last bit of these plastic abominations, and then go buy your missus some of the scared eau-de-Dead—and get your skeletons dancing!

Peace to all!

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"Metaphysical Graffiti will make you think twice (and laugh thrice).” —Will Hermes, author, Love Goes to Buildings on Fire

Previous Columns

DAAD #1
DAAD #2
DAAD #3