DEAR ASK A DEADHEAD

Toothsome Texan Asks About Guns & Acid Reflex

 

 

Dear Ask a Deadhead,

 

LSD or MSD?

Ophelia Murdoch, Austin, Tx

 

Hello to the Big O, who I hooked up with when I was checking out the awesome Austin music scene a few years ago. So great to hear from you — even if your question puts me between a rock and a hard place.

 

Actually, it took me a minute to get the MSD reference but then I remembered — MSD stands for Marjory Stoneman Douglas high school, And #MSD is the Twitter handle that salutes all the kids from that school who are rocking America in the right direction by demanding gun safety.

 

Those kids are totally inspiring, man. I mean, it is bad enough having to deal with SATs, acne, and jocks and jerks harshing on stoners, LGBTQ kids and geeks without having to worry about assholes with semi-automatic weapons killing you. So I’m one hundred percent with them — from Emma Gonzalez to David Hogg to Sandra Chadwick to all the others. I love their tweets, their passion, and their smarts. The marches they helped organize were awesome. I even went to the one in New York with my super-amped sign:

 

Do The Math:

Gun Lovers

= Little-Dicked

Douchebags

 

I know my message was harsh and judgmental —  not the peace and love vibe you expect from a member of the Tribe — but I am furious about all the stupid gun deaths and injuries in this country. And even though I have good friends who have guns, I  believe their gun fixation makes them, well, a little douchebaggy. As for the size of their manhood, it's what unHigh School English teachers call a simile. Or a metaphor. Or maybe an allegory. Whatever. You get my point. Like I said, I'm mad as hell!

 

Anyway, Ophelia, I’m not sure if you are asking which movement is better? Or which I like more? I've already told you I think the MSD kids are rock stars, so let me share my thoughts on LSD.

 

As readers know, I much prefer the natural mystic of mushrooms and marajahooba to LSD. But I’m very grateful to lysergic acid diethylamide because the acid tests helped begat the World’s Greatest Band led by The One. This is just a fact. One was very much tied to the other. 

 

Based on the many bad trips unlucky friends have experienced, however, it is clear that LSD can be dangerous. Not as dangerous as guns are. Not even close. But acid has been known to fry a few brain cells.

 

So here’s my answer: LSD is definitely not for everyone, but those safety-first, common-sense MSD kids sure as hell are! They just want people to be safe and alive! Join ‘em!

 

***

CONFIDENTIAL TO EVERYONE: There’s a cool book about gun control on Amazon. It’s called Nuns with Guns. The reviews say it is very funny. But it also tells it like it is — and I’m not just saying that because the author is a close personal friend of mine (even though he claims to be a recovering Deadhead). Check it out. 

 

***

New Jerry Box Quandry!

 

DEAR ASK A DEADHEAD,

There's a new box set coming out called Jerry Before the Dead.  The 4-CD set costs around $20. The 5-LP vinyl set costs, like $112. What the hell?

Captain FanPlastic, Remote, Oregon.

 

Howdy, FanPlastic! 

Given your legendary collector status, FanPlastic, I know you are just venting. I'm 99.9999% sure you'll buy the vinyl and have a smile on your face all month.

 

Personally, I'm very stoked to get this release featuring some of the earliest recordings made by The One. It's like an ultra high gift from seventh heaven, which is about as elevated a gift as you can get.

 

And even if labels everywhere are price-gouging on the current vinyl craze, this is one instance where I'm so GRATEFUL, I don't care if Caroline Records makes some cash. They earned it.  And from where I sit, May 11 can't come fast enough — even if my deflated portfolio means I'll be getting the CDs.

 

 

Which reminds me of a quote by a really famous cartoonist, I think it was either Charles Schultz or Robert Crumb: "The Dead will get you through times of no money better than money will get you through times of no Dead!"

 

Or something like that. 

 

 

Peace to all!

***

"Metaphysical Graffiti will make you think twice (and laugh thrice).” —Will Hermes, author, Love Goes to Buildings on Fire

Previous Columns

DAAD #1
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