As Mick's personal trainer, I get asked a lot of questions.
Why would he ever get out of his super-model encrusted bed to spend time with me at dawn? Does he use collagen? What drugs is he on? Does a 70-something rock star still get groupies? What the hell was Keith doing in that tree? The truth is, Mick isn't just a world class singer and a world class sex symbol, he's world class athlete and a world class businessman. He's just world class. He knows that time waits for no one, so he puts it all on the line. Plus, if you're going to charge people outrageous sums of money for tickets at huge stadiums, you better be in damn good shape to deliver a hell of a show. And that's where I come it. I've put together a little primer on how Mick says "Start Me Up" every morning—and builds muscle for his signature stage moves.
Before They Make Me Run Warmups—Ha, ha. That's a Keith song. My little joke. Hey, rock stars need to warm up like anybody else. We do the basic stretches, we steal some stuff from yoga, pilates, yogilates, gyrotonics, gyroyogilates, tai chi, chilatesyogyro, qigong, aqua-aerobics, and of course, gryoaerobicyogilates. You should pick and choose, too. It's only rock and roll. Once we're warmed up—usually in about 20 minutes—we get down to the good stuff.
The Jumpin' Jack Flash—This is essential to for any rock frontman. You think clapping your hands overhead is easy with 60,000 watts of light pouring down on you?
1. Go into a sauna
2. Turn strobe light on
3. Perform one jumping jack with a resounding hand-clap at the top of the jump
4. Alternate with a one-leg high-kick and overhead clap
5. Repeat sequence 10 times, switching high-kick legs, then get the hell out of the sauna. Don't forget to turn off the strobe.
The Nagging Hand Of Fate—Wild gesticulations—like the conniptions of an irate, spasmodic schoolmarm—can be very dangerous. In Geneva, Mick actually dislocated his pointer with a finger wag. You can see the pain streak across his face on YouTube during "She's So Cold," but he's such a competitor—nobody can endure pain like Mick can, his threshold is unreal—he finished the set and ordered me to reset his finger on the spot. Painkillers? Nothing more than a bottle of Evian. Lately, Mick has eschewed the hand flap in favor of the safer point-at-the-crowd, but you never know when he might bust one out, so we build up hand strength this way:
1. Call security and make sure there are no unauthorized video cameras on the premises.
2. Crank Village People's "Macho Man" on the stereo,
3. Lift two five-pound weights in front of you, until your elbows are parallel to your shoulders, palms facing outward.
4. Flex your wrists down and up in time to every vocal phrase that comes on the downbeat
5. Do this for the entire song. To vary the routine, do the same moves to "YMCA," but integrate the weight flexes with the YMCA dance.
The Jacket Flail—The wind can be treacherous at these stadium shows, and one zipper or button in the eye can end the whole tour. So that moment when Mick takes off his jacket and waves it over his head is one of the most dangerous moves of the evening. We work to make sure Mick has totally great arm strength. Warning: You'll need a lot of space to practice.
1. Take one jacket with zipper pockets and fill with sand
2. Put on jacket
3. While running, strip off jacket and grip the center of the collar (this ensures the jacket will be balanced)
4. Lift hand straight overhead, bend elbow slightly
5. Rotate arm and wrist in small circles that grow bigger by the fourth circle
6. End the fifth rotation by flinging the jacket outward.
Repeat steps 2-6 5 times.
These next two sequences are designed to improve Mick's unique funky chicken moves, which I have always thought of as...
The Red Rooster Strut
1. 5 backwards shoulder rolls
2. Lock core, puff out chest
3. Flex and raise elbows
4. Pound elbows against rib cage 3 times
After 10 reps, add the following steps for the...
1. Prance 5 steps to the right
2. Prance 5 to the left
3 Extend right hand in front of you and point
4. While running forward, add 3 mild thrusts forward
5. Return to pounding elbows against the chest.
Repeat 5 times
Lip Curls—who needs collagen when you have this secret weapon?
1. Pull lips tightly together and slightly inward, as if you are trying not to react to a stupid remark like, "Bon Jovi is just as good as The Stones."
2. Now slowly extend your lips outward. Stretch until you can actually see your upper lip.
3. Feel the burn? Hold for 5 counts.
Repeat 10 times.
This is the perfect warm up for an exercise that, as far as I know, only Mick and Angelina Jolie can execute.
Lip Ups—That's right. One-handed pushups are for weight-lifting wimps.
1. Wrap your lips around your teeth
2. Lie flat, hands behind your back, mouth to the floor.
3. Inhale through your nose and lock your core.
4. Unfurl your lips, pushing your head, neck and body upward.
3 reps of 5.
Then we run. Or rather, Mick runs. I watch.